Not a great day

It had to happen sooner or later, I have had my first really bad day. It started yesterday evening when I tend to need more pain control, which usually works, but yesterday it didn’t. The pain was just constant and I had a really bad night. As soon as they woke me up this morning they asked if I would move to a bay as there was an emergency admission (which required a side room), they would get me back in a side room as soon as possible. It was not the best start to the day but the people I am with in the bay are not that bad. The pain progressed to the point where I just didn’t know where to put myself and that equalled tears, it didn’t help that I also felt incredibly sick. The pain specialist came round and straight away said they would throw Tramadol in to the mix, this meant yet another morphine based drug, but I didn’t argue and just couldn’t wait to get it!

I can’t really explain how I felt, I didn’t really feel low and yet I was so upset. Before the surgery I had said to my Consultant that if he gave me the best stump he could then I would do the rest. I hadn’t really wanted to talk about it before I had it done and since I came round in recovery I have just been trying hard to start to move on and make this work. It has been a bit surreal and to be totally honest I don’t think it has all totally sunk in yet! Everyone has been saying that I seemed to be doing so well and the lady in the bed opposite said she couldn’t believe that I had only had it done last Thursday. I think today was the sort of day that people had been expecting to see me in and it wasn’t nice.

Jan came round and seeing how I was she let me off the physio today. She is brilliant and just talking to her helped to cheer me up a bit. We are hoping to try and transfer to the wheelchair tomorrow and see if I can get on the toilet, this will mean we can get rid of the catheter. Jan noticed how my animal collection had grown since yesterday afternoon and she popped back to see me after lunch clutching this adorable little rhino. She said when she spotted it and saw the face, particularly the eyes, she thought it looked just as I had looked this morning and bought it for me to add to the jungle. Thank you so much Jan I will treasure him. Hopefully looking at him in the future will remind me of today and I will see how much I have moved on.

When my parents came this afternoon they brought in some more cards people had sent me and again got very overwhelmed and emotional. I knew that when I had this surgery done I would go through every emotion know to man on many occasions. It is something I have to accept and get used to as this will be a long hard journey with many highs and lows, I just have to try and embrace the highs and conquer the lows.

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