Like a caged animal

The last couple of days have been…… bland, if you can call a day that. I have done very little, wanted to do very little and just feel a bit pants really. In some ways, and I hate to say it, getting Cody has just gone to further highlight the limitations I have at the moment. Nearly four months on and I feel……. in many respects as bad as I did before the surgery. The obvious difference being that I am not suffering the pain I was and I am minus the infection, which means no dressing changes every other day. I just feel like a caged animal, pacing about the house of which I have been in solidly since last Monday. I don’t have the strength in my arms to negotiate the pavements along the road, I can’t walk as I can’t wear my leg, still have no car so I can’t go anywhere and can’t even get out into the back garden with my wheelchair so would have to use crutches, and look what happened last time I did that! I suppose it just doesn’t feel like I am living at the moment only existing. In some ways it is worse than before the amputation, at least then I was not well and didn’t feel like doing very much. Now I am feeling miles better but can’t do anything, which is massively frustrating, I thought I was frustrated before but that was not a patch on this. If I look on the brighter side I know that it will get better, even if I ended up in a wheelchair permanently I will still able to get a car and go out. I think I had been doing so well and progressing so quickly that unfortunately I hit a brick wall with my nemesis the prosthetic socket that has stopped me for so long now. I am sure that most amputees must end up going through this sort of phase but the sooner I am through it and out the other side the better. For now I will just have to make do with pacing this cage until I can turn the corner and find my freedom.

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