Surgery Eve

I’ve not done any blog posts for ages as I ‘ve mainly been at home doing bits and bobs, playing on the Xbox etc. trying to take my mind of things while in pain.  The only trips out have been to cadets a couple of times and the Dr’s surgery for appointments. Today is the Eve of my surgery, which unfortunately isn’t as exciting as Christmas Eve. I’m more apprehensive about this operation than I have been for any before, I have actually been sick and had an upset stomach. It just goes to show, you think you’re on top of your emotions and not thinking about it but your body tells you different. So why am I so apprehensive this time? Good question, deserves an answer and I’m going to try and explain why:-

  1. Nearly all my surgery (except three minor ones) before has been done by the same consultant, this time I have a consultant that I don’t know and I don’t know what his work is like.
  2. He is unsure what he will be doing until he is in there with no guarantees and small chance of success. They know the problem, they’re just not sure how to fix it.
  3. I used to be an Operating Department Orderly at Addenbrooke’s (before I went off to train as Operating Department Practitioner, which I was told to give up because on my knees and back) so worked with many of the staff there. It was in 2005 but many of them are still working in Theatres. I know they’re all professional and they protect your modesty as much as possible in theatr but being mainly naked is embarrassing. If I don’t know the people in there then I don’t worry about it, but this time I am.
  4. I have always had my surgery at Hinchingbrooke Hospital and know the staff well on the wards I have been on. It’s almost like seeing old friends, you know them, they know you and the banter is good between us. I wont know any of staff on the ward (unless I end up on the ward where my friend Leah works). You even start on one ward and go onto another one after the operation.
  5. Being so familiar with Hinchingbrooke I know the routine, everything that happens and when it happens. I don’t know what ward I’ll be on (like I say you go to an admission ward and then transfer to your main ward after the operation), visiting times, how the ward works or anything.

I know you may be reading this and thinking that some of it seems a bit lame, may be it is, may be there’s more to it that I can’t explain. The thing is if you put all this together it almost feels like you’re going in Hospital for major surgery for the first time. On top of that I have no guarantees it will work, it will be the difference between whether I walk again or not. That was the case with the amputation itself but somehow it’s different this time. I think because I had been using a prosthesis, walking, pain was better and things were going so well this feels like a harder knock and I know how it could be. The biggest thing I want is to stop or reduce the pain and the movement of the tissue over the bone (which is causing the spasms, cramping and intense pain when it happens). If it isn’t going to work then ideally I would want to know straight away rather than getting on so well like before and then it deteriorates again, that would be soul destroying. I can live with either outcome though, I can manage in the wheelchair but ideally I want to be able to walk again and be more active. Who knows what the outcome of the surgery will be and only time will tell. The thing is to accept that outcome, whatever it may be and make the most of the abilities and life I have.

Lego Surgeon

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4 Responses to “Surgery Eve”

  1. Good luck. I know how the small things do matter, familiarity with surroundings and procedures are important. My thoughts are with you. David.

  2. Praying for you tonight and tomorrow.

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