Feeling depressed

Thursday 23rd January

I slept nearly all morning after a late night but felt OK apart from feeling tried. The downside of me being asleep is that the Orthopaedic Team didn’t wake me up and let me be. I find this really frustrating so I had to wait and hope they came round the next day. Late morning I saw the Physio, she helped me set the Cricket Splint up properly again because the leg was thinner as the swelling had gone down. We were chatting, everything was OK then she happened to mention that they were going to put me in a full leg cast, that was it the tears started flowing.

I slept most of the afternoon, didn’t eat anything all day and drank very little. I didn’t even want my medication because all you seem to be doing is stuffing stuff down your throat all day. I look at, food, medication and even some drinks and you almost want to gag before you put it in your mouth. The tears were like water works and flowed all day, I could hardly speak to anyone without bursting into tears.

Things had just got too much and everything is a double edged sword, cast v splint, home v Hospital, etc. etc. The lady in the bed next to me

made everything about her condition sound 50x worse than it was, especially to her family. Another lady in the bay was winding the lady up next to me about her condition, as if she needed any help there!!! She could also be very snappy and arsey with people, I know we all can when where in pain but most of the time it was for no real reason. She had the remote control for the only TV in the bay and was a pain in the arse with it, it was also so loud I’m surprised my ears weren’t bleeding! The noise at night from snoring and other nocturnal noises, grunts, talking and shouting meant even my ear plugs were struggling to cope. It builds up and builds up and now I’m on my knees, sorry knee, well you know what I mean!

When I was given my medication I just happened to mention the appointment of the Endoscopy to be told that I wasn’t going on Friday now the appointment had been changed to Monday at 09:00, thanks for telling me! I finished the YouTube Video I was watching the night before (Mindfulness with Jon Kabat-Zinn) and then tried one of the audio files from the Psychiatrists link. I chose to start with the body scan which I found quite good, but where did it start? In the left toe, and ironic ending to a shit day!

Feeling Depressed

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